By Erika Fernandez De Castro

Let’s be real — saying goodbye to your child when they are clinging to you like a baby koala is not easy. It tears at you knowing that an action you are taking is creating agony in your child. We are the nurturer and the soother and nothing about these situations feel right as a parent.

Separation anxiety is something most parents encounter, especially when little ones are starting daycare, preschool, or even just staying with Grandma for a few hours. It’s totally normal, but that doesn’t mean it’s not tough for both the child and you.

However, there is good news. There are ways to make it easier, for your child and for yourself. A little patience, a lot of love, and a few smart strategies can go a long way.

So, What Is Separation Anxiety?

Let’s begin by exploring what separation anxiety is.

Separation anxiety is that intense worry or fear kids feel when they are apart from their main caregiver, typically mom, dad, or whoever they spend the most time with. It often shows up around 8 months old and can last through toddlerhood. In most cases, it fades on its own by age 2 or 3.

However, sometimes separation anxiety lasts longer than expected – persisting into the school years – and can become more serious. In these cases, it may be a condition known as Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD) – the fear of being apart is more intense and begins to interfere with your child’s daily life.

You might notice signs such as:

• Constant worry that something bad will happen to you
• Fear of being forgotten or left behind
• Avoiding school, bedtime, or any activities that involve separation

If you’re noticing these behaviors, it may be time to speak with a pediatrician or child therapist.

10 Real-Life Tips to Help Your Child Cope with Separation Anxiety

1. Build a Steady Routine – Kids thrive on routine. Having a predictable drop-off routine, like a special goodbye phrase or favorite toy, can make them feel safe.
Try this: Keep goodbyes short and sweet. Lingering often makes things harder.

2. Acknowledge Their Feelings – Instead of brushing their emotions aside, let them know it’s okay to feel sad or nervous.
Say this: “I know it’s hard when I leave, but I will be back soon.”

3. Create a Goodbye Ritual – A special high-five, hug combo, or silly phrase can make parting more fun and less scary.
Keep it simple: Short and consistent is best. No need to make it elaborate. An Eskimo kiss goes a long way!

4. Practice Short Separations – Ease them in. Start with quick separations and slowly increase the time apart.
Bonus tip: Visit the new place ahead of time — meet the teacher, check out the space.

5. Celebrate Small Wins – Even a few tear-free minutes is a big deal! Praise their effort and progress.
Try a sticker chart: Visual rewards help them see their growth.

6. Stay Calm (Even If You’re Not) – Kids pick up on your vibes. If you’re anxious, they’ll feel it too.
Fake it if you need to: A confident goodbye goes a long way.

7. Offer a Comfort Object – A favorite stuffed animal, photo, or blanket can help bridge the gap when you’re gone.
Let them choose it: That makes it extra comforting.

8. Don’t Sneak Away – It can be tempting to sneak away, but it can make things worse in the long run. Kids need to trust that you’ll say goodbye and come back.
Even if they’re upset: Always say a calm, reassuring goodbye.

9. Keep Goodbyes Short – Quick goodbyes are easier on both of you. The longer you linger, the harder it gets.
Tip: One hug, one reassuring sentence, then head out.

10. Stick to What Works – Same caregivers, same drop-off routine, same daily rhythm – consistency helps kids feel safe.
Ask for help: If your child is especially anxious, see if the same person can do drop-offs for a while.

When It’s More Than Just a Phase

Although separation anxiety is very common, if it’s going on for a long time, seems to be getting worse, or is interfering with school, sleep, or daily life, it might be time to reach out for help.

Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This!

Separation anxiety is tough, but you are not alone. Most kids grow out of it as they get older and build confidence. The key is to meet their emotions with calm, consistency, and compassion.